Maybe the name should be Melinda's Meltdown?

If only it were so simple to just melt stuff away. But it's not.
I have just deviated majorly from the path where I began. I can't even see where I began now... I still have the same mental picture, end result in mind...just no clear cut path to get there. Actually, the path is there, I am just not willing to do the hard work right now. I can make up all the excuses in the world - some are valid and legit, and some are wimpy and wussy excuses. But, the fact of the matter is, I could work around any and all excuses if I so chose to do so.
So here I sit, again, waiting for God to send me the email to let me know that He will melt away all the junk in my trunk...but that email isn't coming. I have to get up off my junked up trunk and work at it.
So, I say I will...tomorrow. And then I start off with the best of intentions....but, then I get out of bed.
I will get there though. Just so much buzzing around my head right now...so much to deal with mentally and physically for me, for my family...things have to settle down just a bit before I am ready to undertake this life changing aspect. The planning, the measuring, the frustration if I mess it up ... it is all so exhausting for me. And I beat myself up...and I am already beating myself up for so much that I am tired and sore...I don't need to heap on the reasons to beat myself up...so yes, I am waiting. I am trying...but not all that hard and sometimes not at all.
Ok, I'm just going to go to bed now...before I ramble on any more with nonsense and all that!