Feeling very emotional, frustrated, angry and so on over lots of things, but this blog is about trying to keep it real as I try to take off the pounds. Calling myself every name in the book - idiot, weakling, moron, looser (and not in a good way).
Ok, I might have some unrealistic expectations going on...thought I'd conquer this eating thing once I was aware of what I was doing a bit more, thought I'd be on track to work out at least SOME...but none of the above is happening. But, seriously, I am talking now about giving up...it is hard with a new baby, being strapped to a chair to feed her (even though it isn't breastfeeding) - and I will admit there are times of resentment there. Not often, mostly I genuinely love and enjoy gazing down at my precious little one...but sometimes I am itching and ready to get moving on SOMETHING (maybe a house project or going to walk or something) and no can do. I know that this phase shall pass...enjoy it while I can and all that...but I am not good at being inactive when I have a plan in mind.
And, that sitting and boredom makes me consider all kinds of foods - and typically not with good results. Sometimes I am genuinely hungry and sometimes I talk myself into being hungry. Either way, the results are inhale food, expand the hips and waistline.
I do believe for now, for my sanity...I am going to have to chill a bit. I am going to focus on making better food choices and watching my portions...not counting and measuring each little thing. There will be a time for that later, I am sure. But, things are just too much right now and I can't heap more upon my own head.
Being a bit melodramatic tonight...feel like I'm a little hamster on a wheel...trying so hard to get somewhere, but making no progress. This is not just talking about weight and being healthy...although that certainly fits the same scenario.
I am taking my sleep deprived self off to bed before I get completely maudlin...try to get some of the 40 winks I need in before Peyton wakes up again. Maybe I'll post tommorrow, maybe I won't...don't know for now.
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Don't melt down dear one! You can do it. One meal at a time. Give yourself one small (one and small) treat a day when it is needed and keep yourself on task as much as you can. It will happen, but it will not happen fast. I am still slaving away at my waist and I am half of your height! The inches are begining to show, but it has been almost 3 months to begin to show. Pat has dropped 80 pounds in the last year, but it has taken a year. Rest, and be patient with yourself. You know what you want so take it one meal at a time.
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