I really don't care any more...not about who reads or doesn't read my blog(s)...no offense to anyone who is reading this now - don't mean I don't care about YOU, just meaning that this is for me now.
I can't say how many times in a day I call myself all sorts of horrid names...ones that usually are reserved for ships full of sailors. They typically have the words "lard" or "fat" or "looser" or something along those lines added into them. It's sad really that I have come to this.
Once upon a time I was a confident person: easygoing, fun, yet driven and determined. Now, somewhere along the lines I totally lost that. Now, I just survive - and not all that well either.
I have great intentions each week or even each day...but it gets lost along the way. Sometimes it happens even before I get out of bed, or even get into the bed from the night before!!
I say that as my kids get older, it will get easier. And in some instances it will...but, there will always be an excuse to not do what needs to be done.
I can't stay the way I am. I can't call myself names each day and soothe my hurts with bite sized whatever the kids have in their candy box....or dig out the hidden candies that I have gotten...or make that 1 more stop thru the drive thru to get that 1 more burger or whatever. I can't feel so out of control or afraid to speak up for myself - or even for my kids.
I feel like a total looser with controling my own impulses, I don't even try most of the time any more. And, that feeling like a looser in 1 area has spread like kudzu to other areas of my life.
Beth Moore talks about being in a pit...well, I'm there and have put out the wallpaper and everything to make myself more comfy there! But, I still look up and see the promise of life out of the pit, and think about trying to get out, and sometimes I take action ...but those walls are slippery and I slide right back down to the bottom - and then I sit and cry. Sorta like I am now.
So, here I go - deciding to make a change again. I am going to. I am going to make it work. I have to. I have to rely on the LORD my GOD to help, to lead and I can and I will follow. I don't know when I'll take the first step...maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. But it will be done. And it won't be perfect. I know that. I know it. But, I must - I absolutely must do it!
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Hey girl. I know exactly how you feel. You know what? You'll get better, it just take time and A LOT of discipline. I've had a struggle this past year but God has blessed me b/c I have have faithful. Take one minute of one day at a time. When you get cravings for "bad" food, stop and ask God to give you another choice. Remember, He always provides another choice. Pray everyday that God will give you the strength to make the right choices in your diet and regarding exercise. I've had to do this. I also try to stop and think about what I'm eating. Is this something that is so good that it's worth the calories? Or am I eating this out of frustration? Is this food really not that good but I eat it anyway? God wants us to enjoy eating. I think that God has put a displeasure in my taste buds for all fast food. I'm not kidding. I tolerate some kinds but most fast food turns my stomach now. It's a GOD thing, for sure.
ReplyDeleteYou can do it Melinda. I have faith and confidence. Find something that works for you and stick to it. Ask God for guidance and it's gonna be there.
LOVE YA!